My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
