sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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