Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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