i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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