Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
