Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will pee on everything he values.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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