I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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