I feel great
I just peed on a car
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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