you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to calm my uterus...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then he peed in my hair
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