So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
