I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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