hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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