I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
