I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
