I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
