She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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