I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
