It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
