so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im holly from the hills drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
