I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
