I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
