oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
