How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize