I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
