those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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