i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
