4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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