i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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