Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
