remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
