Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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