First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
