I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
