I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
