Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
