I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
