Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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