your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is Oprah even human
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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