You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
