my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
