Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
