mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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