so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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