if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
