i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
