Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
