literally had 100 drinks last night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
