shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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