Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
