Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize