i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
