So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
