she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
