I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
