Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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