I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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