does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
