i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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