I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
