if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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