you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
