Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
