4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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