I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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