Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
