Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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